Stop being your own WORST CRITIC!
I’ve been talking with a close friend who is also a photographer. We’ve been talking about some things that make us sad that we see in our profession and I feel the need to speak on it publicly. Before I get started, I want to mention that this is not about a specific session I have had but rather a generalization that I see in and out of business that was a topic of discussion I thought I would reflect on. However, it can be something that effects how our clients can perceive our work.
The best part of what we get to do is make YOU feel beautiful. Often we have minimal communication before we meet you. When I send out questionnaires before a shoot, most of the time it will ask about areas of insecurities, how you want your photos to be on a scale of vanilla to smoldering, and how you want to FEEL when you look back on what we create together in 20 years. This is very important because with the minimal communication we don’t get to really learn intimate deep rooted details of your personality or insecurities or how you see yourself and the feelings you have about what you see.
Now, I’m not saying that this is relevant for every situation in every session but I get it. I’m a mother of two boys and I haven’t always been kind to myself. I tend to give others more grace than I have ever given myself when it comes to how attractive I find myself or the way my body looks from a certain angle. Too often I compare myself and my journey to others that shouldn’t even be compared. I worry about how people will criticize and critique a photo of me because of how harshly I have done so.
That’s not fair. It’s not fair to you. It’s not fair to your family. It’s not fair to our children. It’s not fair to our mental health. It’s not fair to our inner peace.
When we design your shoot, we talk about outfit choices and styling and coordination. We plan prompts and poses that we want to get you interacting with each other and that shows your personalities. We want to portray FEELINGS. We want to feel the love you have through this split second frame that is captured in a minuscule moment. We want to see the passion and genuine authenticity that your family has together. That is my goal. That feeling is beautiful. YOU are beautiful. YOUR FAMILY is beautiful. These MOMENTS are beautiful.
BUT…..
If you are used to only seeing yourself from a certain angle with a certain filter posted for social media or not posting full body photos of yourself, or allowing your natural unfiltered skin tones to shine through, these photos may not make you feel the way that we feel when we see them. If you are always the one TAKING the photos and not in them it might not be something you are used to (I’m guilty). If you have underlying (or not so underlying) control issues (again I’m guilty of this) it may be hard to give someone complete control of the outcome of your shoot.
This is what I’m here for. To me, this is more than taking nice photos. Sure a lot goes into that… we have to balance the exposure and angles and composition and all the things that go into actually getting the perfect photos. But more importantly than that, I want you to have an experience with me. I want us to create something together and give you a memory that you associate with these photos when you see them. I know the stress of keeping kids clean and worrying they are being too wild and not going to be still long enough... Give that worry to me! Let me take over and guide them while you relax and give me your trust that I WILL get that shot. Trust that if an angle isn’t flattering or doesn’t flow how I want it to that makes it pleasing to the eye, I will move you. I will reposition you, I will tell you when to slightly raise your chin and turn more to the right. I will tell you to bend your knee or turn your shoulder back. I’ve recently even found that my husband thinks I’m “bossy” at my shoots because he doesn’t ever see me "in the zone" like that when he came to help at a shoot. Let’s just call it “leadership qualities”
Some other things I WILL do behind the scenes is slightly smooth out your skin, correct a temporary blemish that showed up just in time for your shoot, adjust the tones while editing to enhance the beauty you already possess. What I WONT do is perform “photoshop surgery”. I won’t take off 10, 15, 35 lbs that you think you need gone to look better. I WONT give you a tan or lighten your skin tones that you feel need to be different to be beautiful. I WONT deliver any photos to you that I don’t feel represent you to your fullest potential and that I think are unflattering. I also WONT be able to change your feelings and insecurities. I WONT be able to look through your eyes and predict the flaws you think exist, when I see nothing but beauty. I can’t change how you see you, all I can do is hope that what I give you makes you go easy on yourself!
All of this is to say that you are more beautiful than you give yourself credit for. You are incredible. You are worthy. You deserve to feel all of these things that are true. I WANT to make you feel that way. I will enhance your beauty but I will not completely change you to represent what you think perfect is in your mind.
So trust me, trust me to make you feel as beautiful as everyone already thinks you are. Trust me to get the shot you never expected I could of your wild and feral or shy and introverted children. Trust me to give you more than a photoshoot but to give you and your family an experience with beautiful photos as a bonus.
